I'd love to have a doula, but my husband wants it to be just us.
I'd love to have a homebirth but my husband says it isn't safe.
I'd love to use cloth diapers, but my husband says they're old-fashioned.
I'd love to breastfeed, but my husband wants to bond by bottle-feeding
I'd love to continue rear-facing my child in her carseat past 1 year old, but my husband says its time to forward-face.
I DO recognize that pregnancy & mothering make women incredibly vulnerable. The minute you find out you are pregnant everything changes. Your entire being re-orients itself around the creation, care, and keeping of a tiny human. And that includes making decisions that aren't necessarily a woman's first choice, in order to keep her child safe and well. I understand that even if on an unconscious level, women do what their husbands want in order to ensure that their husband continues to support them. Pregnancy & mothering make a women vulnerable and dependent in so many ways - from the roof over her head to the food on the table, access to medical care, transportation, social supports - they all become dependent on her partners willingness to provide them or allow them.
Husbands of the world: Do the research. Trust your wife. Put her needs first on the things that matter most to her.
Your healthy-low-risk wife wants to have a safe, satisfying midwifery led-birth experience, maybe even at home?
Find out what midwives do, how they care for women, how they prepare for emergencies, and what your options truly are.
Your wife wants a doula?
Interview doulas together until you find one who will meet your needs.
Your wife wants to exclusively breastfeed, cloth diaper, or extended rear-face in the carseat?
Compare options and explore the benefits and risks of your choices (doula's are a great resource for this!)
Pregnancy then parenting is a crazy journey, and when things get rough, as they are bound to, you want to both be on the same page as you weather the storms. You want to be able to turn to each other and know that you got into this together, and you'll get out of it together too. The only way to do this well, is to listen to each other; Trust each other; Learn together; Put the others needs above your own. Do this over and over again until you find that you both want the same things - and then the issue of "my husband wants" simply disappears, and both your needs are met in a positive way.